death of a beard

day eleven

I started removing the hair on my face

Before I even knew that it was noticeable. 

Subconscious removal made me revel in 

The fact that it was a normal part of 

Day to day life. 

Take a blade to your face

Rinse away the wounds.

Start again fresh and new. 

I have done this almost every day

For seven years. 

But now 

I pay a Russian woman

Almost $200 a month

To take laser heat to my face

And burn the hair 

From the inside out. 

Transition usually comes in that order anyways. 

The laser hurts my face

And reddens my skin. 

Usually I hide behind my scarf

On the train ride home. 

One time I forgot it

And wondered if people noticed

The red spots all over my face. 

Making the pain of my transition

Visible. 

How ironic that it is painful moments like these that 

Bring me so much joy.

I think that it is because one day

I know that it will stop. 

And my body’s largest organ won’t have to bear its beating

Once more. 

And at last

I will be free.

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